Pause For Thought


Day 4 of homelessness and it's cold. I will manage.
Day 4 of homelessness and it’s cold. I will manage.

I apologize for not writing. The past month has been unkind and it shows in my face as you can see in this picture. 5 years of not having a full time employment has finally caught up with me and the one thing I thought I would never lose has been lost: hope. I knew I hit that moment when I told a family member it is unlikely I will survive to see 67 (that is retirement age here in Canada). My belief in my employment chances is that bleak.

I am not suicidal but after my fourth day in this latest bout of homelessness in this part of winter, and being soaked by freezing rain (hence the plastered hair), I can’t maintain such a massive job search initiative that includes this blog any further. I am so damned tired. I need to scale back, pause for thought, and take a break from things like this until I can start writing again. I did it once before, so this is nothing new.

I will be back. Once again, thanks for reading!

David.

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6 thoughts on “Pause For Thought

  1. Hm, I have similar feelings- i.e. that I might not make it. (I have not had stable employment for 7 years). Being homeless does make it worse- I have been there too. I don’t know if this will be a helpful comment though…as I can’t say hang on in there. Part of me is reaching a certain serenity in regards to a possible ‘demise’. At the end of the day, perhaps that’s not bad. Perhaps we are not supposed to be alive just because we fear death…there should be stronger reasons than fear. Well, I hope we’ll both be OK.

    1. Hi. Thanks for your comments. I hope your situation improves. You brought up a good point about acceptance of one’s situation as the new normal. Rather than be afraid and upet at being where I am, which blinds me to finding a solution, finding acceptance leads to finding an understanding.

      All the best, for both of us.

  2. Hi David,

    I recently discovered your blog. It is unfortunate that there are still so many skilled people in Canada without job stability. I feel I have some ideas that could help (e.g. social assistance), although you’ve probably exhausted them all in your previous posts. In any case, if you are close to 65, there might be some things to look forward to, such as the OAS and GIS:

    http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/services/pensions/oas/payments/index.shtml?utm_source=vanity+URL&utm_medium=print+publication,+ISPB-185,+ISPB-341&utm_term=/oasamounts&utm_content=Mar+2013,+eng&utm_campaign=OAS+Pension+2013,+Benefits+for+Low+Income+Seniors

    Stay warm.

    1. 65 is a long time to wait, since I turn 51 soon. I have tried applying for welfare but my pension plan disqualifies me from being approved. I have decided, much to the chagrin of friends and family, that I will start dipping into that if I find myself short on funds. Thanks for your comments. They are appreciated.

  3. David, I’m not Canadian, I’m not even in the same continent. I’ve been lurking around both your blog and youtube channel for some time now, rooting for you. I wish I knew what to say. I don’t. This is lame but I just needed to tell you that I continue to root for you.

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