Translation, please!


I’mDoormat quite adept at reading between the lines of a duties and responsibility description on a job application. In fact,  there are some that remind me of the expression, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”.

Here’s a few that I’ve come across that raised a red flag, and what they might mean once you are hired at the company offering the position:

“Comfortable dealing with stressful situations and problem solving” – everything bad that happens at work will somehow be your fault, it’s your responsibility to clean up the mess even though you didn’t make it, and you are going to be tied and roasted to a flaming cactus by your employer if the issue is not resolved.

“High level of organization is a must for this role” – Everything is disorganized so it will be like an episode of The Walking Dead: you watch for walkers, scavenge supplies accordingly, and for goodness sake don’t get bit.

“Ability to deal with multiple priorities” – there’s one of you working for many supervisors who will never use the phrase, “I have a plan” in any
conversation.

“Demonstrate a high level of professionalism” – You’re not allowed to stand up for yourself, file complaints to HR, or even cry when customers,  your fellow co-workers or your immediate supervisor scream at or threaten you in front of everyone. You just smile and take it.

“Ability to work with limited supervision and in an environment that has constant interruption” – You will be at the mercy of upper management leadership gaffes, company politics, inter-departmental fiefdom squabbles, co-workers yakking to you unbidden about how great their private surgery details went, or at least be on the receiving end from someone’s personal home life issue.

“Must be able to do repetitive tasks and lift 25lbs. on occasion” – This is what they call in the sport of fishing a bait. The ad claims you the lifting is light, yet eventually management will smile sheepishly when they insincerely apologize for confusing pounds with kilograms. You’ll still be expected to pick that up without complaint. Or else.

I’ve always said I am willing to do any sort of work and I mean it. Having said this, there will be one job I will never do, no matter how much per hour or per year it pays.

That position is called “doormat”.

Thanks for reading!

David.

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