Okay.


This wasn’t the worse a fellow tenant did to the house I rent a room at. In addition to the destroyed drywall, and as of this writing, we have no working fridge, stove, wifi, and house phone.

WARNING: POTTY MOUTH AND REALLY BAD MOOD AHEAD!

A soon-to-be ex-tenant apparently did not take kindly to my absolutely wonderful landlord (no sarcasm, he really is a nice guy) withholding his last month’s rent due to numerous violations of his lease agreement.

Actually the more accurate description might be, “he lost his cosmic shit”.

He totalled drywall ordered by my landlord by tossing it down the stairs (see picture), he cut the power cords to the fridge and stove, submerged the Wi-Fi router underwater, and pee’d all over the bathroom floor (which I was the lucky lad to clean up).

Not before he threatened to beat up my landlord first. My landlord escaped that fate by running out of the house and dialing 911 at a neighbour’s house.

For the record, I do hope the day comes where my landlord catches up with this sorry fucker, with police and lawyers in tow. I really hope my landlord sues that ex-tenant’s sorry Infowar loving arse, and throws him into a jail where some hulking jailbrute named Thorne uses him to relieve a carnal need in the most painful and bleedful way.

There. I’ve said it. Don’t hate me for saying it either. You see, this is the life of low-income folk who have to live in shared accommodations, and sometimes even friends and family members of mine don’t seem to get the crap we go through to get through life like this.

In fact, it gets me so fucking mad every time I have to put up with their indifference and holier-than-thou attitude, especially when hearing about it upsets them more than it upsets me.

And I was really fucking upset at first.

Why am I so upset, you ask? This incident has hit me really hard. I won’t get into the details of what it has cost me, what I’ve lost, and what it is making me feel right now, but rest assured, in addition to the damage my landlord has to pay for, I took a financial hit and it was a big one. What I need to replace is going to leave a big hole in my wallet and take up a lot of time. This is a massive fucking setback.

Yet the people I mention think this is more about them than me, so they do not want to hear about it. Worse, they tell me to make sure other people do not hear about it because it will upset THEM too.

Good fucking grief, yet I play their game because, you know, they’re friends and family. When I have to talk about something like, you know, today’s shitfest, over the phone, I have to excuse myself to a private area to make the call so I don’t upset anyone in earshot. 99% of the time it works. No one knows my shameful secret.

Today, the 1% of the time where it does not work happened and someone overheard. You know that old shampoo commercial where they told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on and so on and so on? Well, someone overheard and told a member of my family.

Well, FUCK me, did I get an earful. I was told by that one member of my family that in future not to make such a terrible mistake again because it UPSETS them and could make them sick.

Well! How I wanted to say to this person, “EXCUSE FUCKING ME for having a crappy situation in life. PARDON MY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE SELF for being behind the 8-Ball due to COVID-19 where I can’t earn as much money and have a nice shiny house like you!”.

How I just wanted to tear a new hole out of that person for thinking of their discomfort over hearing about MY fricking misfortune instead of offering sympathy or support. You know, like what a normal human being is supposed to feel.

But something else happened. Something unexpected. Something I think is going to happen again and again the next time I have to deal with friends and family members who simply don’t get it.

I simply said to myself, “Okay” and very calmly deleted that person’s contact information off my Email and my web-based texting service. I didn’t swear, or grit my teeth while pounding on the keys on my laptop and the buttons on my mouse to carry out the task. I was unbelievably calm, like what you would feel standing in a farmer’s field on a spring day. Not happy or euphoric, more like your emotions at an even keel. An understanding that sometimes you just shrug your shoulders and accept the things you cannot change and then let it go.

I also felt a massive weight lift from my chest and shoulders. My relationship with that person was something strained to begin with before my misfortunes began during the Great Recession of 2008-2009, but became toxic as time went on. We’ve tried three times to make up, or at least agree to disagree, but each time that failed and we both went back to our separate mad corner of the world, and years pass in silence thereafter.

This time it’s different. I don’t want to do the rodeo ride again with this person, but I’m not walking away mad. I’m walking away with an “Okay” frame of mind. I can’t change this person. I can’t make this person understand my world, and most important, I can’t play anymore their perceived role of villain because my misfortune somehow pisses them and the people they care about off.

It’s just —- okay.

Thanks for reading.

David.

P.S. I’ll admit this is a depature from a previous post where I felt it was important to mend fences in case my situation brings me to an early end. In that post, I stated I hate things being left unsaid but I’m getting to the realization where maybe that doesn’t matter if people simply refuse to listen, or just see things from the comfort of their personal convenience rather than the bare truth.

2 thoughts on “Okay.

  1. Just for the record, folks, I am the horrible person that asked David to not tell [REDACTED] things like this as it upsets [REDACTED]. k

    1. For the record, I redacted your response to hide the identities mentioned, which I must state was both foolish and irresponsible of you to do. For someone who cares about [REDACTED], I found it shocking to put personal information about someone into an online discussion, something I took great effort to shroud through rewording.

      If you want to post private data about someone, do it on someone else’s blog, please. Not mine. I’ll just redact it out.

      But let’s get on with a deserving reply to your comment: you’re not telling the truth here, “Linda”.

      I never told [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] overheard the conversation. I stated three times in texts to you that it was unavoidable: despite going into a separate room to take the call, {REDACTED] followed me and overheard the conversation. It. Was. Unavoidable. Even if I left the building and stood outside in the rain to take the call, {REDACTED] would have wanted to know what it was all about. Saying nothing would only make [REDACTED] more upset. How exactly was I supposed to avoid this? Please, tell me.

      What really galls me was you knew what was lost from this incident and how much it was going to cost both my landlord and myself to replace. I didn’t post the list of things that was lost in this blog, as it would have pulled the focus from the point of the post, but you know the details. I sent the list to you in a text message. You know full well the losses I’ve incurred will take a great deal of time and cost to replace.

      But what was your response? Was it “I’m so sorry!”, “Is there anything I can do to help?”, or “We’re there for you!”? No! You repeated the same misunderstanding THREE times what a bad person I am for telling [REDACTED] what happened to me when in fact that’s not what happened at all! Again, [REDACTED] overheard and there was no way to avoid it!

      In short, you offered zero support to help me with through this terrible crisis, yet heaped a ton of condemnation for something that, as truthfully stated in the blog post, was not my fault and was totally unavoidable.

      “Linda”, you are not a horrible person. You are, however, a person who is poorly educated on social issues regarding homelessness and poverty. You live a comfortable life in a position of privilege, which blinds you to the realities low-income earners like myself face. You’ve never spent one night on the streets or sleeping on buses. You’ve never spent time in a woman’s shelter. You never been mugged for your belongings while going to a restaurant in the middle of the night. You never had to decide what to pay for first — glasses or teeth —- with the scant amount of money earned in this Age of Austerity.

      I’m going to end this civilly with the following two statements.

      (1) I suggest you try leaving your comfortable home with the fairie garden, the hot pool, and the lovely outdoor deck, and arrange for educational purposes a three night stay at Mary’s Place, a shelter for women. Tell the operators there you are doing this to understand what it is like to live with other women who have nothing, who may suffer from addiction and mental issues. Try to get a good night sleep there in a shared room, but be sure to sleep lightly in case someone tries to have a go at you during the night. Try to have a shower with other women there but keep your belongings with you in a watertight bag while in the shower stall. I had to do both at the House of Friendship. That’s scary.

      (2) After that trip, and you’ve rested up from that “vacation”, arrange a three night period where you’re not sleeping in your bed, but on a bus, in a coffee shop, or at the library trying to catch at least a few naps. See how you feel after the second day with no REM sleep. I hope you know how to deal with sleep-deprived hallucinations where, as I did, you hear a door repeatedly slam behind you that does not exist while standing out in the middle of a parking lot, or hallucinating a person boarding a bus when in fact the bus has never stopped. I hope you do not get as terrified. Also, try to walk alone from point A to B in the middle of a cold rainy night, while wondering if that person mirroring your every move for the last fifteen minutes is merely someone going the same way or, as I found out and documented in a previous post in this blog, was after my stuff and stole things from me.

      I can guarantee you after you do these two things, you will see what I see, and understand what I’ve learned through experience. Better still, you will at last change that holier-than-thou attitude towards the less fortunate members of society, and show them compassion for a change instead of blame and derision as you showed me.

      I wish you good health, happiness and your continuing prosperity throughout this pandemic.

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